With the exception of Star Trek, I have never been a franchise type of girl. The Star Wars films I fell in love with were from before my time. I read Harry Potter but not with any amount of enthusiasm. Twilight: no. Comics, zilch.
The same could also be said for Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games series, which did not exist in my life until a few weeks ago. That’s right. I am a latecomer. I am a convert of stealth marketing tactics and the jealousy caused by seeing my friends excited about something that I wasn’t. I won’t hide it. I will freely admit to wanting to join the cool Hunger Games club, so that three weeks ago I downloaded the Young Adult lit trilogy to my Kindle, and thanks to a perfect marriage of technology and a slow work load, I dove in. And I was hooked.
So unlike every other time in my life when I rolled my eyes at my friends as they bought their tickets for midnight showings and constantly talked about how excited they were for this movie premiere or that one, I dutifully booked my ticket on Fandango for early Saturday afternoon. I followed the Capitol Couture Tumblr. I found out my Panem name. I arrived at the theater ridiculously early so I could secure a prime seat. I suffered through the lame Breaking Dawn Part 2 trailer. I was not going to be watching this film months later on an overnight flight to England (aka Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix).
[TV Crisis Unit is a fake television advice column that I have created to address the fake problems of the Internet. Please feel free to submit your own questions.]
So I have decided to try something new.
Dear Not Nadia,
I need your help. It seems like everyone I know on the Internet is excited about the return of something called Justified. They seem very enthusiastic and genuine in their instances that I WATCH JUSTIFIED OH MY GOD, but I am not so easily led (if you haven’t guessed – I do not currently watch Justified). After gleaming from my Tumblr dashboard that the lead actor, Timothy Olyphant, is in fact a cool, tall drink of water, about the only other thing I know about this show is that he wears a hat and jeans and carries a gun. Also I am a heterosexual male, so oogling an actor’s ass isn’t quite enough to entice me to watch a television program. Please give me guidance.
Sincerely, That’s The Guy From The Office That One Time, Right?
Dear That Is The Guy From The Office That One Time, Right?,
This blog turned 1 year old on Thursday. 367 days. I’m impressed. I’ll probably have to take up a collection in April to renew its registration and hosting fees (currently on GoDaddy – recommendations/instructions about alternatives?) – or dedicate the profits of my new venture crocheting baby TARDIS hats to its continuing existence (still happening!).
I’m not a writer, but I do play one on the Internet. Here is what I’ve learned so far. 2012 feels like it may be my year. Kathie Lee and Hoda, if you’re reading this, you both owe me a gin and tonic. Continue reading →
Last night, I got a little tipsy and I put up my Christmas tree. Hooray, the holidays! After Love Actually was over, it was just in time for the opening monologue of the last SNL episode of 2011, hosted by Jimmy Fallon. This was something that I was more than a little excited for. There was a Tumblr post circulating that indicated Rachel Dratch would be there, so of course, when the opening sketch was Jimmy and Rachel doing their classic Boston accents, I prompted died. When Amy Poehler made a cameo in that same sketch, I died again. Ditto times ten for the Weekend Update Fallon/Fey/Poheler/Meyers reunion. It doesn’t get much better than that.
But the more I think about the episode this morning, the more it makes me a little sad. Continue reading →
Yesterday morning, I refreshed Weather.com, and with glee discovered that it was a mere 30 degrees outside. Thus it was so – my favorite time of year had finally arrived! It was the time when it was finally appropriate to break free from its closet confines my Claire Kincaid leather jacket. After years of searching in vain for a worthy apostrophe, I had successfully purchased this item at an Urban Outfitter three years ago. I love this coat more than you know, although I am never very good at explaining exactly why.
Truth be told, I was forced to watch this episode twice. What is the cool blog way of saying that I was little more than tipsy after going out with a friend on Thursday evening, so I wasn’t exactly paying very close attention during the live broadcast? Oops.
It is my sincerest hope that you are reading this because you made a Google search for “Aaron Sorkin is an idiot” or “Aaron Sorkin is an asshole” or that you read my Tumblr, or that you read this link on someone else’s Tumblr because I have a million followers now and I’m super famous on the Internet.
Today is the day before Thanksgiving, which is a day in which we give thanks for long weekends because you get a half-day at work (unless your boss hates you; sorry, employees of hater-bosses). This year I decided to exercise my Day Drinking Holiday Exception and spend my afternoon off posting/reblogging quotes which display Aaron Sorkin being kind of a little bit of a dick. But he’s Aaron Sorkin, so you’ll forgive him, right? This started thanks to this choice gem in a story about Sorkin declaring that he is kind of seriously considering maybe writing the Steve Job biopic (because kinda sorta seriously maybe is BIG NEWS when it’s Aaron Sorkin):
In October, Sorkin revealed that Jobs once tried to get him to write a Pixar movie. Sorkin declined, telling Jobs, “I just—I don’t think I can make inanimate objects talk.”
This is classic Backhanded Asshole Aaron (I feel like constantly reiterating how much affection is included in the use of this term). On the one hand, this quote is a straight and factual statement – he did not believe that he could write the script to an animated feature film, the implication being that he either did not care for the medium or that he felt that he would be inadequate in writing its essence. I get it; I’m a writer, I know my own boundaries, too. But check out the backtrack, that backhand full of knuckles: “I just – I don’t think I can make inanimate objects talk.” You can practically hear the sarcastic tone in his voice, because it’s the same one your coworker makes after you’ve narrated the entire storyline of Teen Mom 2 Season 1 and she replies, “Yeah… I have just never gotten into those kinds of shows.”
I promise that this story has an actual point, which is:
Now, I want to be clear that this is not a political blog. This is a blog for when my brain leaks out into words about how much I love this or that on or about television. But Aaron Sorkin is a part of television, and he may be an asshole, but he’s my asshole. Therefore I am required to defend him, in the spirit and breadth of word required for wanting to take the top hit spot on Google from a blog post written in 2010.
In question is Sorkin’s post last year on the Huffington Post, in which he (among other things) called Sarah Palin’s television show “a snuff film” for depicting her hunting and subsequent carving of a moose. Sorkin is no stranger to anti-hunting debates. In the Sports Night episode, “The Hungry and the Hunted,” new producer Jeremy (played by Josh Malina) receives the call - an opportunity to produce his first location piece – which turns out to be for a hunting show. Jeremy is forced to participate in the hunt, shoots but only wounds a dear, then has a panic attack when another hunter kills it in front of him. Malina and Sorkin are old friends; Sorkin is a biographical writer by nature, so it’s conceivable to assume that Jeremy is speaking as Sorkin in the scene when Jeremy finally breaks down in Isaac’s office over the experience. I don’t know, maybe the guy had a really traumatic hunting trip with his dad once upon a time.
At the time this was written, Sarah Palin was still (…) a viable political candidate for Something. She also had a reality show on TLC, which she claimed was not related to the first thing. Sorkin was merely calling “bullshit.” If Barack Obama had a reality show, and in one episode he showed he and his family attending a football game in which the President railed against the Packers in favor of his team, the Chicago Bears, I would make the natural assumption that Barack Obama wants me to like him as a person for being a true (correct) Chicago Bears fans. (Sorry, Green Bay readers.) So to does Palin when she hunts – she hoped potential voters would see as more likeable, because she is a person who hunts. See? Look at me hunting right now. This is the behavior that Sorkin objected to; he found it crass, exploitive, and more than a little obvious. Like Kardashian club appearance of the political-reality show world (2011 pop culture reference!).
(There are also several familiar generalizations about “the liberal elite” in that post which this blog post will not be touching with a ten-foot pole. Not in this format. Like I said, this is blog where we love only two things – television and everyone [unless that television starts forcing us to talk political smack, which will happen occasionally, I'm looking at you, The Walking Dead].)
In conclusion, I think the answer is that we should make a reality show about Aaron Sorkin. Wouldn’t that be fun to watch? I wonder how many assistants he has now to restrain him from typing angry things on the Internet.
Recently Matthew Weiner, he of Mad Men, gave a talk in Los Angeles in which he discussed – among other things – the end game of Mad Men. I did not attend this talk; I only read about it on the Internet. Apparently Matthew Weiner is not a tremendous fan of people like me, but that is another post (dear Matthew Weiner, do not become Aaron Sorkin in that way that we both know what I’m talking about). Anyway, he said this:
I do know how the whole show ends [...] It came to me in the middle of last season. I always felt like it would be the experience of human life. And human life has a destination. It doesn’t mean Don’s gonna die. What I’m looking for, and how I hope to end the show, is like … It’s 2011. Don Draper would be 84 right now. I want to leave the show in a place where you have an idea of what it meant and how it’s related to you. It’s a very tall order, but I always talk about Abbey Road. What’s the song at the end of Abbey Road? It’s called ‘The End.’ There is a culmination of an experience of people working at their highest level. And all I want to do is not wear out the welcome. I was 35 when I wrote the Mad Men pilot, 42 when I got to make it, and I’ll be 50 when it goes off the air. So that’s what you’re gonna get. Do I know everything that’s gonna happen? No, I don’t. But I just want it to be entertaining, and I want people to remember it fondly and not think it ended in a fart.
I am worried that Bones is becoming like NCIS. I know, right? Ultimate TV critical burn.
On the one hand, the ratings are amazing after years of playing second fiddle to literally every other show on the FOX schedule – so amazing, in fact, that its four supporting players are finally getting a raise. Last night it was the #1 show on television. That’s great; I mean, this basically increases my chances by about 50% that I’ll be able to chat about Bones to a total stranger in a bar without sounding like a complete crazy person. But something weird also happens to long-running, popular network shows: they start to get a little, um, well, boring. They get too comfortable in their own formula. They hype big GAME CHANGING EVENTS (capslock necessary) that want to be LOST switching from flashbacks to flash forwards*, but in reality are someone wearing a new belt buckle (“oh my God!!!!! …wait, seriously, that’s it?”). I’m not saying that I can’t play at this level – nor am I ever going to stop watching Bones (please). But you have to give me a little more than this. How many times can I point out that I don’t care about the dead person before you realize that maybe you should take this particular note and run with it? There is a good reason why “The Double Death of the Dearly Departed” is my favorite episode. It has absolutely nothing to do with the corpse who died twice.
* Why do I not have an entire blog dedicated to LOST?
Oh my God, how is it possible that I, a person who hates horror movies and fake blood and graphic doctor shows, can watch Bones? I cannot decide what I hated to watch more – the CGI snake (come on, that was total CGI) coming out of the victim’s torso, or all the shots of the competitive eating contests. I understand that this is my tacit agreement with this show – I watch it knowing that it is trying to out-gross me each episode. But come on. There was a close-up of the rats gnawing away at her corpse. That was just unnecessary.
Oops, accidental radio silence. I have a perfectly logical excuse, though: dear blog readers, I have officially (temporarily) moved to Philadelphia! This is very exciting. The apartment has been so far accommodating and quirky, and full of some amusing features, such as:
I’ve named him George.
I have also had my first real world experience with the whole not having cable situation.
As friends can attest, I have been wrestling with my feelings about Fringe for weeks now. It’s a good show. It might even be my most ideal science fiction story, if you stepped back slightly and squinted. But whenever I try to talk or write about it, the word “inconsistent” keeps cropping up. This doesn’t seem fair. I should be using words like “misbalanced” or “would do better in a 13-episode order.” But even then that second one doesn’t seem very fair either, because without a full season we would not have been allowed to have the ultimately superfluous but nonetheless enjoyable “One Night in October.” I love that Fringe gets to play in its alternate/new universe sandbox from time to time. I also hate the Fringe is allowed to do this.
I really do love my ridiculous little show (although I doubt it’s fair to still call it little). I also feel bad for calling it ridiculous because that word has so many negative connotations attached to it. Let’s think of some others instead – delightful. Escapist. Mass media perfection. Bones is probably never going to teach me a genuine moral lesson about life, but it will always succeed in making me smile (or painfully long for a smile, if you are watching Season 6). It is also populated by a decent amount of acting, writing, and directing. I have always said that Bones is not a show about people who solve crimes and who are also secretly in love with each other – Bones is about two people who are secretly in love with each other, and in the mean time they solve crimes. It isn’t deep, but it’s still very good.
First of all, the title is an Alias joke. Second of all, Tahlia is 25 26 year old living in New Jersey, who loves television almost as much as Kenneth the Page. For the record, that's a lot. Her credentials are that she's been on the Internet for 16 years.
With the exception of Star Trek, I have never been a franchise type of girl. The Star Wars films I fell in love with were from before my time. I read Harry Potter but not with any amount of enthusiasm. Twilight: no. Comics, zilch.
The Problem With ‘Saturday Night Live’
But the more I think about the episode this morning, the more it makes me a little sad. Continue reading →